Herbicide for clover food plots

Farm Crops for farming safe, healthy food

2013.09.03 06:29 HenryCorp Farm Crops for farming safe, healthy food

Farm Crops for farming safe, healthy food and other agriculture that's also safe for the farmers growing it, no corporate industrial seed and pesticide (herbicide, insecticide) marketing. Biodiversity. Natural fertilizer good for dirt, crop, and environment. Urban gardens and plants, even grass.
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2021.07.20 04:02 AlabamaPodunk70 Huntingalabama

A place where Alabama hunters can come together to talk about or share hunting info or stories. Share secrets on planting successful food plots, property management or hunting success. Heck it’s a great place to post pick of that big buck you just put down or are still looking for!
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2014.06.06 06:20 Triggeruser Food Wars: Shokugeki no Soma

The subreddit to discuss Shokugeki no Soma (aka Food Wars; 食戟のソーマ), a manga currently being serialized in Weekly Shōnen Jump.
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2023.02.03 05:31 TheSurvivorBuff Notes with Dr. Bonnie Jacobs

A huge amount of documents were recently unsealed by Fairfax and made available to the public by request and purchase. This includes Amber's treatment notes with Dr. Bonnie Jacobs from 2011-2014.
It is extremely important to me that this information be made public in a respectful way. Obviously I am not the only person capable of purchasing the court documents but, as of now, it seems I'm the only one who has done so and feel a certain amount of responsibility in sharing them first. Amber moved to admit these notes into evidence in the hopes that it would help people understand Johnny's abuse. I hope in sharing them it will have some positive effect.
Here I'll be sharing some of the more insightful/important entries made by Dr. Jacobs.
When Amber first began dating Johnny:
Decided to date J but needs to keep it secret because he just split from partner. Has children boy + girl. Met in various places but always secret and discrete. I questioned her feelings about hiding. Says she understands. Feels he is protecting her. I asked how he treats her. Bought her a horse (white) because she told him as a child dreamed of having one. Loves to ride her horse – needs to be trained so can’t ride it yet. Not happy spending so much time w/ J’s friends. [Illegible] Has talked to him about his drinking and asked him to slow down. He knows about her parents and childhood. Feels sorry for him because his father was also an abusive alcoholic. (Trauma bonding ??) Has scars from beatings. Dad used belts and chains, also burnt him w/ cigarettes. Scars all over body including head. Spending nights together but hide going to and from each other’s homes. Concerned about paparazzi. Says he doesn’t want her blamed for break-up w/ ex because not true.
Amber starts to realize the drinking and substance abuse is really bad in November 2011:
Continuing to see J but becoming more concerned about his drinking and drug use. Sometimes so bad he needs help getting into bed. Pointed out she is enabling him in similar way she enables parents, minus the money. Has only attended 1 Al-anon meeting. Found it helpful but can’t go often because of schedule. Doesn’t know what to do or how to do it. Advised her to stop picking him up or hiding bottles. Also suggested not seeing him if he is drunk or stoned. Feels she can’t do that but will try. He using most of the time so worried she’ll never see him.
Johnny's anger starts to come up. Bonnie Jacobs becomes afraid he is hitting Amber:
[Amber] Afraid to discuss using + drinking because he gets loud and physical. Questioned if he has hit her. Said he only yells and throws things. Discussed Al-anon issues. How difficult but necessary it is for her to take care of herself.
Amber's fraught relationship with her father a running theme:
Parents coming for Thanksgiving, not happy about it. J will be spending time w/ children. Afraid her father will tell people about her and J. Told him not to say anything but doesn’t know what he might do when drunk.
The connection between her father and Johnny is made early by Dr. Jacobs:
More in depth discussion of J’s behavior and ways it parallels her father. Said J has a loving side and dad not so much. Discussed how only the substance abuser can stop him/herself from drinking and using... Can’t force someone to stop using if they don’t want to, and that addicts can’t stop for someone else. Addicts have to stop for themselves. Extremely tearful. Feels she can help him stop using. Wishes she could get friends, bodyguards, and sister to stop supporting and enabling his addictions. Too many people dependent on him for financial support. Asked why she wants to be w/ someone who is addict and behaves badly. Said she loves him and he loves her. Just doesn’t like “bad” J. Recommended Al-anon again.
Police are almost called the third week of December, 2011:
Continued discussing her relationship w/ J. He was extremely drunk when he came to her apt. She was angry. He began screaming and cursing. Argument became so loud that landlord threatened to call the police. Doesn’t know what to do when he is like that. He left. Didn’t hear from him and got worried. Asked if this is relationship she wants? Again tearful and certain she can help him get clean and sober.
Johnny got sober around Christmas:
Going out of town for holidays. Will be gone a couple of weeks. Looking forward to being w/ J and down time. J better but not sure he will stay sober. Discussed more books, [Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings] and Al-anon
Amber gets back from vacation. January 8th, 2012 is Dr. Jacob's first unambiguous note of physical abuse:
Had a good time on vacation but there were times when she believed she knew what it was like to be her mother. Said she was reluctant to tell me what happened because she “knew what” I would say. Asked her what she thought I would say. Said she heard me saying “leave him on the floor, don’t engage, and to leave.” J very drunk, using, angry. Tried to calm him down. Asked him not to drink or use so much which made him angrier. Admits screaming back at him. He hit her, threw her on floor. She threw pot at him. Told her she dresses like a “whore” and was not to wear low cut dresses, shirts, etc. After he sobered up he’s always apologetic and sweet. Wants sweet J around more Discussed cycles of DV again. Told her no matter what she did or didn’t do that behavior was unacceptable. Told her no matter what she can’t change him.
Dr. Jacobs noting they discussed domestic violence "again" suggests this is not the first time she was made aware Johnny had become physically abusive.
In 2012 Amber really becomes aware of how much those around Johnny enable him. She was struggling with what Al-anon and Dr. Jacobs were telling her, which was to leave Johnny passed out and not help him get to bed. More insight into her father as well:
Talked about how difficult it is for her to not enable J’s behavior. Discussed difference between rage and anger. Father has been in and out of town. Insists on trying to “break” horse the way he’s always done it. A[mber] has a trainer who is doing it gently but father keeps interfering. Doesn’t feel she can stop him. Said she’s going to more Al-anon meetings and talking with friends and parents about J’s substance abuse. Said J gets drugs from friends, bodyguards, sister. Sister is his manager and works to keep him happy so he can financially support family. J supports mother, sister, children and thinks V. A[mber] angry people are willing to get him whatever he wants because he’s a celebrity and he pays them.
In February she struggled with nightmares and became familiar with Johnny's "splitting":
Said she has recurring nightmares about parents and [sister?]. Wakes up in panic. Isn’t sleeping well. Discussed some of material in dreams. Sobbing during session. Said becomes panicked when J takes off for days and she doesn’t hear from him. J’s sister said he does that on occasion. Believes he goes on benders and may get hurt. Pretty sure he’s cheating on her when he does that.
The reason for Johnny skipping out on her is made clear in March. Dr Jacob's tries to get Amber to see the patterns in his behavior:
Heard from J and saw each other. J gets angry and jealous when she is photographed w/ men eating out. Told him they are just friend. Discussed that trying to control is DV behavior.
More insight into her father:
Afraid father is going to slip and tell people about her and J. Father drinks and talks a lot to look like he’s important. Concerned he will tell one of his drinking and drugging buddies and they will tell press. J says they will go public soon. She found some of the ways they sneak around funny but tired of it. J says he’ll drink and use less but doesn’t last long. A[mber] gets fearful later in night because he gets drunker then.
Dr. Jacobs realized her nightmares were connected to Johnny:
Having nightmares about childhood and being chased – trouble sleeping. Has been [exercising?] but still can’t fall or stay asleep. Discussed and processed dreams. Discussed some of this is being triggered by J being similar to dad. Loss of agency. Discussed way to calm herself at night and work on changing dreams by visualizing something happy and pleasant as she falls asleep. Very tearful.
Amber continued struggling with not caretaking for him:
Has gone to some Al-anon meeting and finds them helpful but still feels badly “doing nothing” when J needs to be taken to bed. Struggling with letting him stay on the floor when he passes out. Discussed how no consequences to substance abuse behavior are enabling the user. Explained how what most people consider helping someone only hurts the user because they do not need to take responsibility for actions. A[mber] understands concept better but still struggling with it.
Dr. Jacobs tried to get Amber to understand the cycle of violence and control:
Continued discussing co-dependent behavior and how just checking up on J and parents is Co D. Afraid when she doesn’t hear from him he’s hurt or wants to break up. Told her this is his controlling behavior to keep her hooked in. Says she loves him and doesn’t understand how it’s controlling – discussed more. He becomes enraged because she “nags” him about drinking and drugging. Stays out with his friends and doesn’t get in til early morning. He’s missed a number of work meetings and call times because he’s too messed up to get there. Pointed out keeping track of his appointments is co-dep.
In May, Johnny's jealousy was getting worse, though he seemed to make exception for iO and Rocky, but only iO and Rocky:
Went out w/ a male friend and J got upset. Has also been getting annoyed if she sees some female friends other than [iO Tillet Wright] or [Rocky Pennington] because she is bi. He’s been increasingly jealous and concerned she will cheat on him. Continually states she won’t but he wants to tell her who she can and can’t see. Discussed abuse includes control again. He frequently engages in name calling.
The sexual abuse is first mentioned on May 24th, 2012:
Said she often feels uncomfortable when J touches her if he’s drunk. Said J has trouble maintaining erection when high. He gets angry and sometimes violent when that happens. Blames her for his failure. Discussed physiological reasons alcoholics and some substance users have sexual problems.
Amber missed a lot of sessions because her car would break down. Dr. Jacobs had insight into Amber's thought process:
Apologized for late cancel. Talked about work and car trouble. Loves her car but it’s extremely problematic. Discussed how often she apologizes for same issue. Said she was sorry again. Laughed. Discussed how apologies are often not for things over which she has control or responsibility. Talked about how she tries to take on responsibility in effort to have control. Fails and feels bad because no matter how hard she tries to make herself responsible she’s not. Blames herself for a lot that isn’t about her.
Johnny and her father start drinking together in June:
Dad and J drinking buddies. Likes when mom and sister are there. Has been very busy. Paparazzi very distressing. Follow her around. Still is hiding w/ J at her place and his. Feels lonely when not w/ others.
(This note was made on June 28th. Previous to reading these, I'd pieced together Johnny was off the wagon and drinking with Amber's father because of a picture a fan posted with Johnny at a bar on June 14th. Amber's dad is in the background. Picture here. Amber's reports are truly very consistent with independent evidence.)
The way in which Johnny made Amber feel responsible for his substance abuse really starts to manifest in the second half of 2012. From August 7th:
Not feeling well. Rough time w/ J. Disappeared. Came late. A[mber] was worried. Argued about who she was seeing. Thinks she is cheating. She denied but he was in a rage. He threw things. Glass flew near her head. Asked if she was going to Al-anon meetings. Said she didn’t have time but wanted to. Still can’t bring herself to tell him to go home or not come over if he is drunk/drugged. Fears he will be hurt. Asked what about her feelings? Told her he is escalating and not about her. Feels she should be able to do something.
Dr. Jacobs tried to get Amber to see the extent of Johnny's controlling behavior:
Having nightmares again. Very tearful. Afraid of breaking up w/ J. Feels he will stop using and drinking if she can help him feel better about himself. Still not going public because he is protecting her. [I] Ask if she believes that. Said she is afraid of bad publicity. Discussed cycle of DV and control is a sign.
Amber wanted to get better at handling Johnny's splitting:
Talked to J but he is often unresponsive. Scares her when she doesn’t hear from him. Reminded her if something happened to him she would know from media. Wants to do more work on codependency. Talked through some co-dep behaviors.
Reports of sexual violence return on September 25th:
Extremely fatigued. Fighting w/ J again. He violent. Throwing things. Some hit her. She screaming back. Started w/ he was upset at clothes. Ripped her nightgown threw her on bed. Tried to have sex but couldn’t get erection. Became more angry. He passed out.
In the aftermath Johnny promised to get sober. From October 2nd:
J being nice. Sorry for fight. Discussed cycle of abuse (Honeymoon stage). J promised he would get clean
From October 9th:
J not using since fight. Does better when they are together. Sure she can help him stay clean. Had more discussion about addiction. Went over it not being caused by her. His use is long term before they even met. Feels responsible even though isn’t logical. Why can’t she help more?
Johnny told Amber more about his abusive childhood:
J’s mother at house. Very demanding and nasty. J’s father dead. Both abusive when J was young. Father worse than mother.
(Probably just a result of Dr. Jacob's quickly writing notes, but it is Johnny's stepfather who passed away, not biological father.)
More insight into Amber's childhood:
Discussed her mother’s [role] in father’s abuse. He abused all of them but she allowed it by staying. Very tearful.
Dr. Jacobs remained concerned about Johnny exerting so much control over Amber through hiding the relationship, but Amber continued to see it from Johnny's perspective:
Still claims J thinks it’s best to wait. Makes it a game to hide. A[mber] buying into it.
At the end of October, Johnny was hanging out with Marilyn Manson. Amber really didn't care for him:
J’s friends bad influence. A[mber] doesn’t like MM. Talks badly about women, does a lot of drugs.
Amber's family planned on coming for Christmas. She was worried about Johnny spending time with her father. Sexual violence again brought up:
Feeling stress about holidays and shoot. Parents coming for X-mas. Always worried about Dad drinking and causing problems. Discussed Al-anon, ways to deal w/ his drinking – Don’t engage. Has trouble doing that when he verbally attacks sister and mother. J winds up drinking w/ dad. Father misogynist – says horrible things about how women should be treated to J. Sometimes J becomes verbally and sexually abusive after spending time w/ father. Has thrown her on bed and had “angry sex.” If he’s drunk can’t perform and gets angrier. Blames her for impotence. She feels responsible. Discussed addicts not taking responsibility for their actions. Blaming others so they don’t need to own their behavior.
From November 28th:
Continued discussing addict behavior. That she didn’t cause and therefore can’t fix the problem. Talked about going to couples therapy. J says he has a psychiatrist and maybe they can see him. A doesn’t think he sees the psychiatrist very often. Not sure if he gets pills from him. Thinks psychiatrist is just another “yes man” because J is rich and famous.
(Johnny was addicted to Roxicodone and Klonopin at this point. Safe to say Amber's concern over his psychiatrist was correct. That's the guy supplying him with the "pills" Johnny always mentions to Paul Bettany.)
The last entry from 2012, on December 20th:
J got drunk and passed out on couch. Left him there and went to bed. Felt proud of herself for not trying to make it okay for him but bad at the same time. Discussed change is difficult. Nothing changes if she always does the same thing. No consequences means nothing changes.
Amber didn't see Dr. Jacobs while she was in Europe for her shoot. The next session was March 7th, one day before the "disco bloodbath" fight:
J’s drinking and drugging again. Went to Rolling Stones concert and didn’t ask her. Felt very hurt that he would leave her out knowing she loves the Stones. Kept asking why he would do that. Feels uncared for and unloved when he does those things. Feels punished for complaining about his using. Discussed addiction and DV, emotional abuse and control. Says she understands codependency but is having trouble getting the [illegible] in her heart. Sure she can change him.
After going public, Johnny wouldn't let her address the rumors that she ended his marriage with Vanessa ("the homewrecker shit you never let me fight," as Amber put it in February 2016):
People are saying vicious things about her. Hurt her feelings because they don’t know her. Discussed putting up better boundaries and ignoring people or defending herself. J says ignore it but she wants people to know the truth. Studios protect J but not her. Word of J’s drunkenness and drugs hardly ever make tabloids. No one knows how many times he has thrown things at her and other people or shown up late to call times because of drugs and alcohol.
From March 18th:
Mom telling her to not be so hard on J to go along more. Got angry w/ her because of what happened since mom did that w/ dad. Asked why she was with J given his behavior. Says she loves him and feels if things were more stable between them he would get better. Checked to determine if abuse was ever directed at children. A[mber] said not that she ever saw.
Police were called around this time:
he threw her against a wall and threatened to kill her while they were at her apt. Landlord called police but told them everything was fine. Pointed out her behavior was paralleling her mom’s and she can’t “fix” J.
Johnny was back in the "Honeymoon" phase after threatening to kill her:
J being nice and loving again. Sorry he hurt her. A[mber] acknowledges she screamed back and put him down. Doesn’t know what to do when he is out of control. Asked if she could leave, go someplace safe. Said she could go to a friend. Again asked why she wants to be w/ him. What does she love about him? Made some statements about “the good J.” Pointed out the bad one comes w/ the good one.
In the aftermath of the "Documentary/Painting" incident on March 22nd, Amber had a panic attack on March 25th:
Had a panic attack but was able to use relaxation techniques to calm herself down.
From April 1st:
Has been reading a lot about alcoholism, abuse and childhood trauma... knowing/understanding only go so far. Feels if she can understand it will be easier to deal with her stuff and J. Informed her no amount of understanding makes behavior “ok.” Great to understand but people have to be held accountable for their behavior.
April 11th:
J drinking and using again. Got nasty and grabbed her [this word is either "arm" or "again"]. Passed out in living room and she left him there. Discussed possibly moving in w/ him and what that would mean for her safety. Friend [iO Tillet Wright] is around more when she’s at J’s. Expressed concern re: his blackouts and behavior. A[mber] thinks he will be better when they live together.
April 30th:
Had fun on birthday but J and his friends got drunk. He’s using more. She stays away when they are using and he gets angry. Always sorry next day. Wants him to see therapist more often. He says he will.
From May 8th, only a few days before Johnny would text Stephen Deuters that he cut himself badly and needed stitches:
She can’t make J stop. J has been late and missing work because of drinking and drugs. People, some friends angry about his behavior. Unprofessional. Gets so angry w/ self he burns his skin w/ cigarettes. Tried to get him to stop but he gets angrier. Loves him and wants to help him.
A few days later:
Having trouble w/ sleeping. Had panic attack. Discussed events leading up to panic. Reminded her if she can talk she has to be breathing. J jealous about her filming w/ other men. Assures him she’s faithful but he’s unreasonable. Doesn’t want her to dress in low cut or tight fitting clothes. Feeling very pressured.
Amber went out of town with Johnny to Hicksville at the end of May, then on to his press tour for The Lone Ranger. She didn't check back in with Dr. Jacobs until August 1st, soon after getting back from Europe:
Really wanted to talk over past months but was busy w/ her work, J’s work and appearances. Really happy to be home but leaving again soon. Feels better staying at J’s compound because security doesn’t allow paparazzi and fans to get in. Friend [iO Tillet Wright] is living in one of the houses because [he] is broke. Wishes there were not so many other people around – J’s “friends.” J’s using is very bad. She has been yelling at him about drugs and alcohol. He falling down, passing out, and verbal abuse. She screamed at him about public behavior like kissing [Jimmy Kimmel] on TV. Arguments are more frequent and hurting himself and her. Told him she would leave if he didn’t stop and get help. She took it back after he promised he would. I told her to stop hiding and emptying bottles as it doesn’t help and could make things worse.
Johnny was fresh out of rehab around this time:
Still arguing but getting a little better. J has been drinking less. Has not blacked out or gotten violent in past few days. Reminded her he has not committed to sobriety and nothing change[s] until he is. She sure he is willing to get better. Having trouble w/ studio because of his actions. She and his sister trying to [illegible] w/ him. A[mber] can’t stand that his “friends” hang out and want to party. Feels they use J.
From August 20th:
Things have been quieter at home but always a little on edge. Discussed not knowing when the next shoe might drop so she is hypervigilant. Recommended “Co-Dependent no more” and “Walking on eggshells.” I questioned decision to move in w/ J. Said she thinks it will get better. He’s not drinking as much.
Amber spent most of the rest of the year in London, not going back to see Dr. Jacobs until January 7th, 2014:
Getting engaged. Holidays ok but J using again. Spent time w/ parents, sister and bf. Saw friends. Getting house ready to move in. Wants to have engagement party but very busy and doesn’t know how to juggle everything. Very stressed. [Rocky] said she’ll help with party. J busy w/ filming and movie. Has been passing out a lot. Fearful he will OD and/or become nasty. Asked if she’s going to Al-anon? Said sometimes but no time. Told to make time. Fears she is failing because can’t get J to be sober.
From January 16th:
Dad and J drinking buddies. Upset J is using. Banned father from their room at hotel. [Rocky] helping with food and venue for [engagement] party. Worried everything won’t get done in time. Did relax in office. Says she is trying to do it at home but it’s hard. [Illegible] helps but not enough. I questioned her willingness to marry J. Said she can help him. Asked how well mom was able to help dad. Said it was different because mom is addict too.
Four days later:
Life still stressful. Work stuff, house and party. J’s working – music and film. He’s showing up late to work. A[mber] tries to get him to not use night before work. Works sometimes. [Rocky] doing good job trying to find venue for party. Very attached and grateful to [Rocky]. Have each other’s backs.
From January 23rd:
Has been exercising for stress. Helps but not enough. Trouble sleeping. Nightmares. Discussed dream content. J being verbally aggressive. Gets angry if no alcohol. A[mber] admits to dumping some. Discussed not doing that. He can always get more and she’s being [codependent]. [Illegible] to go to Al-anon. Will do so before next session. Helps to talk to [iO Tillet Wright] about Al-anon issues.
One week later:
Not sleeping well or enough. Very tired and needs to look good for camera. J’s sistemgr causing problems. Sister helps J get drugs and alcohol. A[mber] feels too many people support his using. Wants to do something about that but not sure what.
Amber saw Dr. Jacobs on February 3rd, only a few hours before a fight with Johnny would blow up into a multi-day affair across the 4th and 5th:
Discussed pre-nup. J doesn’t want one because he says only way one of them leaving marriage is death. I asked if she would sign one. She said yes she has no prob with it. Finds what J said funny and endearing. Asked, given his history, if maybe it’s a little scary. Denied being afraid.
From February 12th:
J got drunk. Fell and broke table. Left him there passed out. Found him in bed next AM. Doesn’t know if he got there himself or bodyguards helped. Hard to use Al-anon techniques when so many other people are involved in caretaking him.
The first week of March:
Very anxious... Asked if having second thoughts about marriage. She said yes but feels she can help J and will have more say over things once they are married. Told her she set [precedent] for [illegible] behavior and other’s behavior so likely won’t change. Became tearful and repeated that she loves him.
Later in March is the first mention of Johnny's jealousy over James Franco:
Stated she leaves to shoot movie in a couple of days. Can’t come to therapy for a while. Re-stated can call if needs to. Worried about part and J’s feelings about her working love scenes with [James Franco.] Told him nothing to worry about. Feels he is going to cause problems on set. He will visit but not going to be there most of the time.
Amber went back to Dr. Jacobs on May 15th, nine days before she would board their flight from Boston to Los Angeles:
Someone posted photo of her w/ JF and J got angry. Had argument. Screaming. Crying. He threatened to break up she assured him nothing was going on. J threw things at her. She left was scared. Went to friend’s house. J cut and burned self. Was drunk yelling he was worthless and she didn’t love him. Doesn’t know what to do when he self mutilates. Told her to call an ambulance. Said she can’t do that because press will get hold of it. Same reason she doesn’t call police when they fight. Also knows cops won’t do anything because he’s a celebrity.
Amber went to see Dr. Jacobs on May 23rd, only hours before she would receive a phone call from Johnny that would set her back on edge:
Talked to J about how scary his behavior was. He apologized. On his best behavior right now. Again discussed cycle of DV.
From a text exchange Amber had with Johnny's sister Christi on May 25th, 2014, in the aftermath of the flight in which Johnny kicked her:
CD: How have you been before this?
AH: Great, perfect, heaven until he decides to use. And the drug abuse, all prescription meds, and drinking has been slowly climbing every day. And we've been fine except when there's any issue or hiccup or problem. Then shit hits the fan because he doesn't deal with it as Johnny, he deals with it as a totally different person. A demon. It was the worst I've ever seen him. I think it's because he's now taking Adderall on top of all the other shit, which is the equivalent to consuming a pharmaceutical speedball every day. He will die if he continues to call being sober just not drinking. And his medicine kit includes tons of new drugs. He's going to kill himself Christi.
Amber did not go back to see Dr. Jacobs until well into the summer of 2014. From August 4th:
Decided on wedding date have a lot to do. Looking at gowns. J left planning to her. Got planner. [Rocky] helping. Discussed feelings re: marriage and substance use. Also discussed issues of DV in relationship. Stated J better and not acting out physically. Believes she can manage problems. Suggested getting impartial couple’s therapist. J not up for that. Wants to use someone he knows if anyone.
Three days later was the last appointment Amber would have with Dr. Jacobs until 2019:
Seems wrapped up in idea of fantasy wedding not realities of relationship problems. Advised problems don’t get better, if anything get worse. Sure things will get better once they are actually married because she will have more authority in house. Told her that wasn’t realistic.
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2023.02.03 05:31 Unlikely-Shame-4603 Is this enmeshment? 19M

I'm beginning to realize that my mother has effectively prevented me from becoming a man.
My mother became incredibly protective of me the moment I was born. I was born two and a half months premature and nearly died a few times. One time I began choking and my mother had to perform CPR to save me. Over the course of my early childhood I became sick frequently and dealt with asthma and food allergies. This gave my mother another set of problems to deal with. I recall hiding behind her in public and even at family gatherings. I did extremely well in school and others praised her for her parenting skills but looking back I disagree with their assessment.
The final straw was the death of my father when I was 13. My mother was inconsolable for a time and finally began repressing her emotions. She hardly mentions my father anymore. After this event she began to pull my siblings and I closer to her. My fraternal twin brother has rebelled a bit and speaks with her less often now. My sister is still in high school but often has major fights and disagreements with her. My reaction was to instead let essentially let her become my conscience. I rarely do anything unless she suggests it. I'm only realizing this now, though I'm glad I caught it early.
I don't blame her at all for her reaction to the trauma she experienced (her child almost dying, the very premature death of her husband) but it has left me quite socially inept and anxious. I've had very few life experiences and I struggle to make friends. Romantic relationships have been non-existent.
She often mentions how incompetent I am or says things like "oh OP what are we gonna do with you?" She means well but I know that I am intelligent and perfectly capable of learning all the skills involved in leading an independent life.
She pushed me to go to college but when I consider what I wasn't, I'm not even sure I want to be in college at this point in my life. I feel that I need to be independent for a while before deciding to pursue higher education. (I've completed 1 semester of college thus far and made the Dean's list.)
Have any of you death with a similar "benevolent tyranny" and how did you escape? Even better would be advice on how to talk to her about it because I do love my mother and don't want to cut her off or anything drastic like that.
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2023.02.03 05:30 Van-a-Gone one of the more subtle things I liked about ep 3

I really appreciate how they didn't go out of their way to "pretty up" or de-age Bill or Frank. Absolutely zero disrespect to Bartlett or Offerman (who absolutely nailed it,couldn't think of a better actor to play Bill) but they arent exactly sex icons.
The real world is going through an ugly patch politically right now but even so I feel like the blowback would have been significantly less if they had cast a couple early 20s GQ types instead. It sometimes feels to me like for a lot of people the difference between "love is love" and "oh em gee, evil disgusting pervert" all has to do with how conventionally attractive the person in question is.
It's sad that the only other mainstream series with a gay romance plot I can think of with normal, everyday looking people is goddamn Trailer Park Boys
So kudos to everyone involved for keeping the old men old. Your appearance has no effect on your validity as a person, no matter who you love. ( Said u/vanagone desperately, well aware he looks more like game Bill than scruffy-ed up Nick Offerman, lol.)
submitted by Van-a-Gone to thelastofus [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:30 Accurate_Soup_7242 Ps and Qs

In English I say “please” and “thank you” all the time over the course of my day. Is it the same in mandarin? For example my instinct is to say 谢谢 to a waiter upon bringing my food, but I get the sense this isn’t expected or typical. Don’t want to come across as impolite or a total rube.
submitted by Accurate_Soup_7242 to ChineseLanguage [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:29 quaintheight Bella Ramsey admits she’s “nervous” for The Last of Us Season 2 due to game’s early plot twist

Bella Ramsey admits she’s “nervous” for The Last of Us Season 2 due to game’s early plot twist submitted by quaintheight to u/quaintheight [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:28 Accurate-Hospital-25 27F AITA for cooking to my GF 27F of 3 years.

27F dating to 3 years 27F… so tonight I made steaks and asparagus. I handed my girlfriend her plate and she said what else are we pairing this with. Just for context I only put steak and asparagus on this plate. Earlier she told me (how she was using the bathroom more than normal) which then I said I guess we can just finish the chicken dumpling soup I made. She then preceded to say “no! I’ll just have a little bit a steak” ( I use a tiny bit of butter on the steak and she thinks this is what is making her use the bathroom so much) I said “okay” I made dinner, took me about an hour at least. When she asked me what else were eating I was shocked after I handed her, the plate. Because I literally told her that this was what we were eating… she keeps telling me “well let me know if you need help the kitchen I’ll help you” like the reason I didn’t add a pairing is cause I didn’t ask her to help me or it was to much work. Which is not the case, to clarify she did not say that she need something to pair with her steak other than asparagus. I told her she had an hour to say something, an hour to get up and see what I was doing. AN HOUR to offer me help if her stomach hurt so much. I tried to just move and she stated she appreciated I made food. But then continued to say “did you not listen to me earlier when I told you my stomach was messed up and I can’t eat steak just by itself?”. I lost it then, I said “you know I don’t try to upset you, or go out of my to hurt your stomach” she then interrupted me and said AGAIN “just ask me to help you if you need help in the kitchen “. Honestly at this point I felt like she was blaming me for not communicating enough. I am a people pleaser, I love hard. I would never just go out of my way to hurt the ones I love or not listen. I stated crying, cause I just felt so disrespected and not understood. She then comes out and says I threw things in her face. In which after she flipped out. I stated I change our whole food menu to fit her stomach needs. Meanwhile I have IBS, and heart problems and have proceeded to eat things that are bad for me to meet her dietary needs. I then told her that she threw in face “I don’t listen to her” which I literally make a grocery listen and menu centered around her. Anyways AITA for not communicating what I am making for my GF of 3 years.
submitted by Accurate-Hospital-25 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:28 CliffordAnth Got hired for a new cooking job after a long job search, but my manager now requires me to buy black non-slip shoes to start, days after hiring me!

I posted in cooking, but someone there mentioned this sub may be able to help as well.
-
I've been struggling to get a new job practically anywhere, but especially in the food industry for almost two months now. I finally got hired at a local place and I am supposed to start on Saturday, so just another day or so from now.
But then I received a call just recently from my manager who tells me that I'll need to buy black non-slip shoes and it's required for me to start. They will not be providing these shoes for me, and says they will make sure I have the right ones.
This puts me in a bad situation because non-slip shoes aren't cheap and my boss KNOWS I had been applying everywhere (I told him after I was hired and he didn't say anything about the shoes for days after the interview) so this request is out of nowhere.
A pair of the cheapest non-slip all black shoes I can find is at Target for $50(49.99) no one else in my area has them any cheaper except a thrift store but those are lightbrown, not black, and I'm not sure of their condition either, but it's the wrong color. I don't have any walmarts or anything around either.
This is the only job I've been able to get in forever, and I need this to be able to pay the bills I'm falling behind on, and pay for food and other necessities, but how can I buy these non-slip shoes if the money isn't there? He knows it too, and he didn't mention the shoes until earlier today, days after the hiring interview. How can I buy something for a job when I am getting the job so I CAN pay for something?
Is there anyway for me to get shoes another way? I know this is a longshot since I only have about a day to get the new shoes, but I figured I maybe someone here could help.
submitted by CliffordAnth to KitchenConfidential [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:28 CasuAlei Am i the Butt for being mad at my husband for working overtime?

So my husband works hybrid and has been working from home from 8 am to 9 pm everyday for the past few weeks. I also work from home and we have a 3 yr old and a 4 month old that do not go to daycare because in his words 'why should we pay someone to watch our kids if we are both home?' My grandmother helps me with them daily by playing with or holding and feeding the baby but there is not alot she can do because of her age. So i feel guilty mostly that all my 3 yr old sees is us working except for the 2 days a week he goes to preschool. My biggest issue is that my grandmother fell ill and ended up in the hospital so i had zero distraction for the kids. My husband holes up in the basement and works and forgets us except for occasionally comming up to get food (that i prepared while working) so with him working late i have also had to drag the kids to and from hospital after work to check on my gma.im upset because although the extra money is nice we really arent in a bad place financially. I make a decent living as does he our only debt is our mortgage and 1 vehicle. The other is paid off. And i have told him how oveewhelmed i feel but he still choses to work all the time instead of helping with entertaining the kids while i do chores, or baths or bedtime. Actually its 930 now and he is still working.
submitted by CasuAlei to family [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:27 user28018 Been feeling suicidal...

Haven't left my home for the past 5 years (I have severe social anxiety and agoraphobia) I am barely able to eat because I've developed this stupid phobia that makes me scared to choke on my food, I wake up everyday feeling physically unwell, constant fatigue, tiredness, I constantly find myself waking up every night, I feel so unwell it's hard to explain both my physically and mental health... I feel so hopeless I just don't know what to do anymore.... I have a doctor's appointment on the 16th but I'm scared the doctor's are going to find anything physically wrong with me... Even its been months already I think my sedentary lifestyle after all these years is now affecting my health... I lay in bed every single day.... Has anyone been in situation and eventually got better? I feel so hopeless...
submitted by user28018 to NEET [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:27 -_-__-_-__22 Q: AP Tax in US

Using a throwaway for obvious reasons:
- We give our AP 200/wk via zelle and call it "stipend"
- We also give our AP extra. Some are due to true gifts (xmas, thanksgiving, bday), some are because she is working extra (per her own request! Not required by us), some are due to reimbursement (ie. please buy baby food, i'll pay you back. if you are already grocery shopping, can you get more milk for us? And I'll pay her back - usually with a few extra dollars/rounded up)
Does she need to report everything else? We have never stated "it's for working extra" on the zelle memo. It was always stated as "gift/reimbursement/target/krogewalmart/etc".
Can she just file as 200/wk for IRS purposes?
submitted by -_-__-_-__22 to Aupairs [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:27 Dukethedog44 Todays gonna be a good day! 😀

Todays gonna be a good day! 😀
I’m pretty hyped!! Got enough hot dogs to get me through the week 😅
submitted by Dukethedog44 to hotdogs [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:27 mxdnprpl Cook the Books

I found an Instagram account/blog that suggests a menu to coordinate with the book a book club selects:
IG: thebookclubcookbook Website: bookclubcookbook.com
Since we mentioned bringing food to the next event, this could spark some ideas. The site had an entry for our February Book, The Maid.
May contain spoilers...if you consider what and where a character eats a spoiler. 😉
submitted by mxdnprpl to 3BsBookClub [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:26 Akio_Saurus Looking for a good dry cat food to mix in with my cats wet food!

So I have a budget for 30 dollars for a bag of cat food that’s between 12-16 lbs, but I don’t want any corn or byproducts or any of the yucky stuff that’s in cheaper cat foods, the cheapest one I could find was 40 but that’s a bit above my budget, i was wondering if anyone had some good recommendations, thank u in advanced!
submitted by Akio_Saurus to catfood [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:26 asubparteen I started thinking about why some of my students' apathy and lack of effort bothers me so much...

And I realized it's because I am giving them as much validation. independence, and opportunities as possible, I am trying my darndest to be the teacher I wish I could have had, and for some reason, some of my kids just don't care... or at least don't show that they do.
Instead, they talk over me, interrupt me, and try to put words in my mouth every time I pause during a lesson. I am constantly interrupted, and I am constantly reminding my students to follow routines/rules/expectations that we have been following/rehearsing since the very first week in school. And this is the BEST behaved set of kids I've ever worked with (mostly meaning I finally have a class roster with no cases of ODD, violence, or any extremely destructive behavior like that).
I've heard the, "You need to be more stern/set boundaries/be consistent with logical consequences/etc." but trust me when I say that I do ALL of those things. In fact, all I do is hand out "logical" consequences and deal with conflict amongst my students. I am consistent in calling parents, and the parents have sided with me 100% this year WITH follow through. But my students continue to have the most PETTY issues CONSTANTLY. Even with weekly SEL lessons on conflict resolution and other life skills from both me AND the school's guidance counselor.
These kids bicker with one another like siblings, and as much as I tell them "walk away, talk about it, or rock/papescissors" (walk it, talk it, rock it), they continue throughout the day. It seems like everyone has a problem with everyone. On the other hand, I can't remember having a conflict with anyone other than my best friend over some clip-on earrings in when I was that age, and I don't remember anyone else having issues.
I thought I was just a young teacher still who didn't understand the patience it takes to be a teacher, or I just hadn't learned how to "pick my battles." That is, until my kids' related arts teacher spoke to me about how this type of behavior was very new to her in recent years after decades of teaching K-5. I'm starting to realize this hasn't always been the norm.
Sometimes I think about the first and only time I ever got in trouble, and it was in the second grade, strangely enough. I genuinely remember it like it was yesterday. The class was sitting on the carpet for a read aloud, and I was talking to my friend and didn't realize the read aloud had started. My teacher stopped the entire class, looked at me, and demanded I go back to my seat. No yelling; just a finger point and, "go back to your seat!"
I cried MULTIPLE TIMES over the shame and embarrassment I felt over the next few days; not just because my teacher was mad at me, but I also happened to be sitting next to the boy I liked. FML. I remember being so embarrassed that I walked back to my desk, put my head down, and SOBBED. LOUDLY. (Which was equally, if not more, embarrassing).
It was one of the worst days of my life at that point in my life, and obviously it made a lifelong impression, even though my adult self understands now that it objectively really wasn't a big deal. Mom was never called and I never received a consequence. No biggie. I also wasn't an overly sensitive child, and during this whole ordeal, I remember the class being shook by her stern reaction. I also made SURE to never cross her again. Meanwhile, I have to call out the same 5 or 6 kids twenty times. Some will even cry MULTIPLE times, then continue to repeat the same actions a few hours or even MINUTES later. IT BAFFLES ME.
I say all this to say... my kids do not seem to give a single f about anything I say for longer than an hour (aside from 7 or 8 out of the 25 of them). They aren't impressed by videos, games, technology, my new class pet, surprises, candy, parties, food... and I think these kids are completely desensitized to joy in a lot of ways because they have grown up having dopamine hits as their brain was developing via technology. I know this isn't the first time a teacher has said this in the past century, but I do think that the way modern technology has shifted towards being social media/content/entertainment consuming machines is really impacting these kids.
I also have about 5 or 6 that COMPLETELY lack self control, and another 5 or 6 who look at me like I have three heads anytime I try to have a serious conversation about their behavior; meanwhile, my teacher used to be able to look at me funny and I would cry. Not that I want my kids to cry, but I just feel like I'm wasting my breath any time I try to give them a serious talking to. They are either seriously zoned out with their mind on something else completely, they try to argue with me, or they act like a sad puppy dog only to go back and repeat the same behavior 30 minutes later. I WOULD HAVE NEVER, and the thing is, I don't want to have to scare kids into respecting me. My second grade teacher didn't, but I respected her nonetheless, and I even emulate her to this day. Obviously, it's not working.
My point is how do teachers (both newer teachers and veteran teachers) retain the basic respect of children who are exposed to everything all the time before they're ready. They're not the same. Or maybe it's the Covid. Or maybe its both and more. Either way, I'm exhausted.
submitted by asubparteen to Teachers [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:26 2GRFEoilconsumption Ever17 review Part II

Original post was too long.
Yubiseiharu!After the 2034 incident, she summons the so-called “Third Eye” or “Blick Winkel”. Blick Winkel then travels back to 2017 where ‘it’ issues a plan to Yu The plan consists of a near-perfect replica of the May 1st, 2017 structural failure at LeMU, with the only perceived differences being the presence of Ryogo, Sara and You’s “Daughter”. Her “daughter” is a near-exact clone of herself created due to the paranoia caused by the potential of a fatal heart disease. She wanted at least some part of her to live on, so she did just that. In the 2017 incident, she would be injected with Tsugumi’s antibodies, thus rendering the heart disease ineffective. This would also prevent aging past around 20 biological years of age. In the bad ending, she is one of the four people who are unable to make it, being killed by Tief Blau. It is notable that the bad ending is the only ending in which she shows any romantic attractions to Takeshi.
Yubiseiakikana Tanaka: The clone of Yubiseiharukana Tanaka. Just as optimistic and as outgoing as her “mother”. Guess it runs in the blood. She is lured to LeMU in 2034 under the guise of being able to see her “mother” again. She is infuriated after her “mother” reveals that she isn’t really her mother, but is able to forgive her once she explains everything after a successful escape attempt.
Hokuto: A young man with seemingly no memories of any events before the incident. His memory is somehow wiped so the plan can proceed smoothly. Eventually, he recovers his memories in the Cosmic Whale room and confronts Tsugumi, preventing her from denying the events 17 years earlier. This causes her to mentally break down and apologize profusely, despite both Hokuto and Sara saying that it was alright. Hokuto and the Third Eye are interlinked, which is one of the reasons why he is able to predict events in the immediate future. With the assistance of the ‘Blick Winkel’, he is able to put Coco and Takeshi in cryogenic sleep and rescue them later in 2034.
Coco Yagami: A child who was just at LeMU for the hell of it. She has a sense of humor— not a very good one, but one nonetheless. She’s just as optimistic as Yu, but nowhere nearly as resilient as her. She is the first person to be infected with Tief Blau on May 6th, 2017. Like Hokuto, she is interlinked with Blick Winkel and creepily considers ‘it’ both a sibling and a love interest.
Blick Winkel: A 4th dimensional entity that can see all possible timelines from a bird’s-eye vantage point. The mastermind behind the May 1st, 2034 “accident”.
Now the character introductions are over, let’s talk about the game’s good and bad points.
The Good:
  1. The Soundtrack: Takeshi Abo really outdid himself with the soundtrack for this visual novel and it is a massive improvement on Never7’s soundtrack. Growing up playing Gran Turismo 4, Ridge Racer and the Ace Combat series, I notice that the soundtrack is very similar to some of the music in each of the above. It has a then-modern feel, mostly being electronic music with early hip-hop, trance and synth-pop influences, as well as two pure drum&bass tracks. The more sentimental tracks are composed entirely on piano. I’d say that Ever17’s soundtrack is one of the best VN soundtracks of the past 25 years.
  2. The plot: The plot, in typical Uchikoshi fashion, is full of time loops, sci-fi elements and huge plot twists. Think of something similar to the twist at the end of The Andromeda Strain and you have a good reference point.
    1. Sora: By far the most tolerable character in the entire story. She is compassionate and generally extremely nice to be around and possesses a wealth of insight and knowledge to all that ask of her.
The bad:
  1. Coco: Going from the most tolerable to the least tolerable, listening to Coco speak is like listening to a car with a timing chain failure. The 14-year old generates some of the most annoying speech that I have heard in any game I have played. You can also add in the fact that she is romantically attracted to Blick Winkel (who is heavily implied to be the player, by the way), which is just… creepy.
  2. Pacing: Getting through one ending is easy enough, but getting through all five good endings without missing any changes? Nearly impossible. The skip function that the Himmel Edition provides is incredible and saved me hours of butterfly-clicking. However, there are still some who have to deal with the monotony of going through May 1st to May 4th over and over again and I simply don’t like that thought.
Overall verdict: One of the best visual novels of all time, competing against the best visual novels of all time.
If you’re willing to throw 11 hours away, then I’d say it’s an amazing read.
submitted by 2GRFEoilconsumption to visualnovels [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:26 EarlyVariation2757 Attempting Nitrogen Cycle Help

Hello! I’m moving in 2 months and my new place of residence is already set in stone. I set up a 20 gallon tank and new a Fluval C2, and a dual sponge filter. I bought Seachem Stability. I have my brother dosing it for the “7 days” it requires. No fish are in the tank. I added some fish food to the tank when I set it up. My brother called me saying the fish pellets have white fuzz on them. If someone can tell me what I should do. Do I have him attempt to remove the food. Without food in it will it not continue to built the beneficial bacteria?? Any help, or tips and trucks is greatly appreciated!! Thanks in advance!
submitted by EarlyVariation2757 to Aquariums [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:25 thunderwhenyounger Got put on a PIP for my annual review today

I work in IT and managed in this space several years except for the last 3. I moved to an individual contributor role 3 years ago after a new Director came in who brought his own manager in as well. The writing was on the wall that if I didn't, I may not have a job. After 2 years of working for the manager and doing things to make our company more world class but not being recognized, I thought reporting to my peer, a senior manager, may be better. He was more technical and gave me the impression he recognized my contribution level. After a year of working my ass off to single-handedly get our region out of using home folders, folder redirection and PST files into cloud based technologies (OneDrive, Exchange Online Online Archive) end-to-end as well as supporting and growing the KTLO staff, I thought I did really well. However, I did feel no one was taking the time to know the amount of work I was doing and let him know I felt like I was quietly quitting (disengaging) as a result just in December after our FIRST one-on-one that I asked for, this was his solution. Imagine telling your boss you don't feel seen and the next thing he does is put you on a PIP! Add to this plot that when I moved under him, he found out I was making more than him since I lived in SoCal and he in Missouri. Not sure what to do at this point, but I definitely will be seeking legal help.
submitted by thunderwhenyounger to antiwork [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:25 2GRFEoilconsumption Ever17 review Part II

Review was too long for one post.
Yubiseiharu!After the 2034 incident, she summons the so-called “Third Eye” or “Blick Winkel”. Blick Winkel then travels back to 2017 where ‘it’ issues a plan to Yu The plan consists of a near-perfect replica of the May 1st, 2017 structural failure at LeMU, with the only perceived differences being the presence of Ryogo, Sara and You’s “Daughter”. Her “daughter” is a near-exact clone of herself created due to the paranoia caused by the potential of a fatal heart disease. She wanted at least some part of her to live on, so she did just that. In the 2017 incident, she would be injected with Tsugumi’s antibodies, thus rendering the heart disease ineffective. This would also prevent aging past around 20 biological years of age. In the bad ending, she is one of the four people who are unable to make it, being killed by Tief Blau. It is notable that the bad ending is the only ending in which she shows any romantic attractions to Takeshi.
Yubiseiakikana Tanaka: The clone of Yubiseiharukana Tanaka. Just as optimistic and as outgoing as her “mother”. Guess it runs in the blood. She is lured to LeMU in 2034 under the guise of being able to see her “mother” again. She is infuriated after her “mother” reveals that she isn’t really her mother, but is able to forgive her once she explains everything after a successful escape attempt.
Hokuto: A young man with seemingly no memories of any events before the incident. His memory is somehow wiped so the plan can proceed smoothly. Eventually, he recovers his memories in the Cosmic Whale room and confronts Tsugumi, preventing her from denying the events 17 years earlier. This causes her to mentally break down and apologize profusely, despite both Hokuto and Sara saying that it was alright. Hokuto and the Third Eye are interlinked, which is one of the reasons why he is able to predict events in the immediate future. With the assistance of the ‘Blick Winkel’, he is able to put Coco and Takeshi in cryogenic sleep and rescue them later in 2034.
Coco Yagami: A child who was just at LeMU for the hell of it. She has a sense of humor— not a very good one, but one nonetheless. She’s just as optimistic as Yu, but nowhere nearly as resilient as her. She is the first person to be infected with Tief Blau on May 6th, 2017. Like Hokuto, she is interlinked with Blick Winkel and creepily considers ‘it’ both a sibling and a love interest.
Blick Winkel: A 4th dimensional entity that can see all possible timelines from a bird’s-eye vantage point. The mastermind behind the May 1st, 2034 “accident”.
Now the character introductions are over, let’s talk about the game’s good and bad points.
The Good:
  1. The Soundtrack: Takeshi Abo really outdid himself with the soundtrack for this visual novel and it is a massive improvement on Never7’s soundtrack. Growing up playing Gran Turismo 4, Ridge Racer and the Ace Combat series, I notice that the soundtrack is very similar to some of the music in each of the above. It has a then-modern feel, mostly being electronic music with early hip-hop, trance and synth-pop influences, as well as two pure drum&bass tracks. The more sentimental tracks are composed entirely on piano. I’d say that Ever17’s soundtrack is one of the best VN soundtracks of the past 25 years.
  2. The plot: The plot, in typical Uchikoshi fashion, is full of time loops, sci-fi elements and huge plot twists. Think of something similar to the twist at the end of The Andromeda Strain and you have a good reference point.
    1. Sora: By far the most tolerable character in the entire story. She is compassionate and generally extremely nice to be around and possesses a wealth of insight and knowledge to all that ask of her.
The bad:
  1. Coco: Going from the most tolerable to the least tolerable, listening to Coco speak is like listening to a car with a timing chain failure. The 14-year old generates some of the most annoying speech that I have heard in any game I have played. You can also add in the fact that she is romantically attracted to Blick Winkel (who is heavily implied to be the player, by the way), which is just… creepy.
  2. Pacing: Getting through one ending is easy enough, but getting through all five good endings without missing any changes? Nearly impossible. The skip function that the Himmel Edition provides is incredible and saved me hours of butterfly-clicking. However, there are still some who have to deal with the monotony of going through May 1st to May 4th over and over again and I simply don’t like that thought.
Overall verdict: One of the best visual novels of all time, competing against the best visual novels of all time.
If you’re willing to throw 11 hours away, then I’d say it’s an amazing read.
submitted by 2GRFEoilconsumption to InfinitySeries [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:25 ReturnOfTheSammyboy Nightmares, File 1

While there are of course many natural variants there are also quite a few man made variants. One such unsettling variant type is that of the nightmares. It is believed that nightmares were created either by a Fazbear Genetics competitor or from generations of illegal underground fights. There are also other theories about the William Afton creating them but that man is most certainly dead.
Nightmares are essentially more dangerous versions of their normal counterparts, aside from a few color variations. Nightmares are often very torn up from fighting and may have bones sticking out or large patches of skin with no fur.
Even though these creatures are very illegal and not made by Fazbear Genetics they have begun to make merchandise of these creatures. While I can’t deny that the plushies are very cute I find it despicable that they would embrace these freaks into their brand.
A large part of what makes nightmares unique is their strange hunting method, which is where they get their names from. Once a nightmare sees prey they release a nightmare inducing chemical into the air. The exit point for the chemicals is different for each nightmare creature but gashes in the skin or the mouth are fairly common. Once their prey had inhaled the chemicals, they leave, or at the least stalk their prey from a distance. The nightmares produced are described as very intense by those who survive nightmare attacks.
These nightmares normally seem fairly sensical, or at the least have a set of rules. The nightmares will normally take place in the victims house, or a lightly altered version of their house. In the victims house will be terrible monsters, normally described as very animalistic and with features similar to a nightmare. During a nightmare victims will be hunted by these creatures. Nobody alive knows what happens if they catch you so it’s assumed that you are somehow killed in real life but of course we don’t know how that works exactly.
After about a week of these nightmares the nightmare creature will come for one final attack on their victim. If the victim survives the attack they are usually left alone.
Nightmares prefer to attack those who are young, sick, or old. While they can definitely fight they are scavengers at heart. Especially the marionette de calamar. A Frenchman who survived a nightmare attack vowed some sort of revenge on all Faz creatures and in his madness created the first marionette de calamar. This creature wasn’t supposed to be able to survive but it did and asexually reproduced. Now there is a steadily growing population of them. Their offspring often appear to be nothing but bundles of tentacles because of how oversized their tentacles are. These creatures almost exclusively get their food by stealing kills from other nightmares.
There are more ape related nightmare creatures I would like to touch on but I think that this is enough information for file 1.
submitted by ReturnOfTheSammyboy to AnimatronicEncounters [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:25 Latter_Station_1466 I despise being pregnant.

First of all I want to preface this by saying I love this kid. I will always love this kid.
However, I despise being pregnant. I’m a first time mom with an unexpected pregnancy. Growing up I didn’t want to give birth. It was never something that appealed to me. I wasn’t vehemently against it I just wasn’t interested. I recently got married Dec 31, 2021 to my wonderful husband. He’s great and I knew going into it he wanted kids. I knew I would be pregnant at least once. I had thought about it and accepted that fact. Well, in late June my birth control failed. I took a test (as I was late) and it came up positive. I didn’t believe it at first. I went for a pee test. When that also came back positive my first thought was abortion. I was not planning on having a baby at 23 years old. I wanted to travel first and live a little. I have mental health issues that I was struggling with after high school graduation so I didn’t go to college and my family grew up pretty lower class so we had never went on a vacation to anywhere. I wanted to experience my life before bringing a new life into this world. We had also just gotten married. We were 7 months in at the point we found out. I wanted to be able to at least do a little trip for our one year. My husband (the wonderful man he is) told me it was my decision and he supported whatever I wanted. Well, I decided we could handle this together and we were going to follow through with it.
Ever since I got pregnant I have been completely and totally exhausted. I’m sleeping as I’m on sleep meds but I am not recharging or resting at all. I had to quit my job at 20 weeks because I could not physically do it anymore. And all I did was work at a grocery store.
I experienced very bad gender disappointment. I wanted a little girl so bad. I had a dream one night that it was a boy and I woke up sobbing. Two days later we find out it’s a boy.
We move into a new place in December because we had been living with roommates. I cannot help with the move at all because I’m consistently light headed, weak and nauseous. I also can’t clean anything because the smell of chemicals is too strong and I cannot do any of those movements for very long without risking passing out. I’m feeling basically useless.
We start struggling financially really bad. My husband is the only one who’s having money come in and he is so super stressed and there is nothing I can do to help him. His work hours are not consistent so he cannot get a second job. He’s taking care of me, the puppy we got, the cat, himself and he’s not even home half the time.
We also live on a military base 6 hours away from friends and family. We both suck at making friends so despite us living here for a while we have not made any friends we can count on or ask for help. We have no support system here.
As I’m finally starting to not feel light headed and as weak anymore, I start experiencing terrible pelvic and back pain. To the point I need assistance to get up. I’m telling my doctor and trying everything and nothing is working. The last thing recommended is massages. Well guess what? Because I can’t work we can’t afford $90 massages.
I’m up most nights in such immense pain I don’t know I can handle it. His movements have significantly decreased. Which is not good, I know. But his movements make me so uncomfortable I’m almost happy that he’s not moving as much. I’m going to more and more doctors appointments. I have such bad food aversions I can’t eat anything. We can’t afford to keep picking up something I want to eat so I force myself to eat something that is not agreeing with my taste buds. Everything tastes bad to me and I want to spit it out. My husband does the cooking and I feel so terrible that I can’t eat more than a few bites cause it tastes rotten to me.
I don’t feel like this is my body. It doesn’t feel like me. It doesn’t belong to me. He is taking my energy and health. He’s taking my ability to eat and drink whatever I want when I want. I can’t clean, I have to have supervision when I shower, I’m taking so many naps I miss the entire day. I’m going to the doctors to get poked and prodded at constantly. I forget everything. My bathroom habits have completely changed. My neck aches from a previous injury as I have to sleep on my side. Before I was a back and stomach sleeper. I don’t fit into any of my clothes. We cant afford new clothes for my pregnant body so I’m wearing a cropped tank top and my husbands pj pants all the time. My hair is thinning. I constantly have bags under my eyes.
I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m sick and tired of it. Not once have I felt like this pregnancy has been magical. Not at ultrasounds, not picking out baby items, not getting congrats from anyone. I didn’t feel joy at my first look at the baby. My husband teared up. I was indifferent. My older sister is pregnant with her fifth as well and she has more excitement for her baby than I do.
And I will be breast feeding this baby. So I’m not going to be getting my own body back for a while. We can’t afford formula and there’s a shortage. I feel like I will never have my own body ever again. I don’t care about stretch marks or anything like that. I just want to have my own damn body.
7 more weeks to go. Oh and guess what? My 24th birthday is the day after my due date. I have not once been able to celebrate my birthday with my husband because of the military. And now I’m not going to be able to do what I want for my birthday.
I just want this over. I don’t want this. I hate being pregnant. And I have never felt more guilty for something. I hate that I feel like this. I just want a break. I’m so tired of this.
submitted by Latter_Station_1466 to pregnant [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:25 Ancient_Monk_6886 Don’t comment on people’s bodies

I’m (29F) 5”7 and about 110 lbs. I hate my body. My limbs are super thin. People love commenting on my body & it’s always unsolicited. Recently, a member of senior manager (who is a complete stranger to me btw) stopped me to tell me how tiny I was. I’ve also had colleagues (again, total strangers to me) walk up to me and tell me that having children will improve my weight. Hell even my best friend has jokingly made comments on my weight. Most of my family & friends don’t know my insecurities or at least the true extent of them. So they don’t know how hurt I am by their comments and because I pretend so well I just smile and walk away.
And the thing is I have tried most things to gain more weight including “EaT mOrE”. Eating more doesn’t really work for me unless I’m stuffing my face right round the clock and with the work I do that’s not an option. I’ve focused on eating more before and I managed to increase my weight by 15 lbs but I couldn’t maintain because of my job. Another factor also is that my allergies incredibly limit my food options.
I try to eat at least 3 balance meal daily and just one comment can cause me to ruin my effort!
submitted by Ancient_Monk_6886 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]


2023.02.03 05:24 LatashTuck Bella Ramsey admits she’s “nervous” for The Last of Us Season 2 due to game’s early plot twist

Bella Ramsey admits she’s “nervous” for The Last of Us Season 2 due to game’s early plot twist submitted by LatashTuck to trendsintimenow [link] [comments]